Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
