peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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