he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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