Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
