vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
