this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
