Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
