Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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