Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
