When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
