I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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