whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
