Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
