mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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