So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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