so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
