Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
