Whod you bang
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
