we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
