Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
