last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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