My nipple is on Facebook.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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