Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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