Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
