Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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