Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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