i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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