youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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