I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
