im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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