If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Rumble strips road head = magical
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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