i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
