I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
