Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize