The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize