im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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