i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
