Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
