I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
