dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
