i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
