I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My ATM looks so different sober.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
