I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
