please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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