I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he puts the penis in happiness.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
