Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
