yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
