i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
