You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
