Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
