my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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