On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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