after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
sex in a hospital.. check
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
