**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
