i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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