He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
