I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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