kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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