I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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