When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
