but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
