What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
