Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am one with the molecules
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
