you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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