she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
