he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He shit in the fireplace
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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