Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
