Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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