WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
