fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
