we're blogging at a bar
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
