I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
