You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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