now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
