After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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