Please don't use social media to get back at me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize