Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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