Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
