Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want to be your penis for a week.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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