i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
