a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
