Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
