So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
