I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
nutella sex= disaster
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
