I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
