He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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