I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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