please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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