Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
PANTIES FOUND
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