I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
