I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
