you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
