I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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