Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
