Define "chronic" masturbator.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
