My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
